Friday, 25 September 2009

Things that the green / eco community forgets.

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Tired of these "green" morons?  Everyone is.  Recent data suggests that the whole environmental agenda is orchestrated by Iran, George Bush and Michael Jackson (Who is hiding in the foothills of Afghanistan as we all know).  Regardless, here are a few things that these job seekers protesters overlook or conveniently "forget".
  1. More often than not, to wash.
  2. Driving that ageing hippy van around is contributing to greenhouse gases more than the [insert human progress] you wish to prevent.
  3. The causes of global warming are still being debated by the greatest minds in the world today.  Hang on before you nail you flag to one cause or theory.
  4. Your last holiday.  Ride that aircraft you protest about?  One of the lowest contributors to global greenhouse gases....go plug up a cows anus instead.
  5. Destroying the countryside by setting up camps.  How green of you.
  6. Taking rusty old vessels out to sea to "battle" Japanese whalers.  Burning fuel, polluting the oceans...for what...some Youtube hits.
  7. What chemicals are in the dyes that make your hair all of those greens, reds and purples which seem to be permanently in fashion for you guys?  Organic?  Methinks not.
  8. We are technically still in an ice age.  Whilst we don't necessarily want the ice caps to melt, it is not to be unexpected, and who is to say prevented?  You blithering idiots.
  9. Temperature on earth is massively influenced by the oceans and the activity of the Sun.    Not me driving to work and back.  Pay attention during Science at school as well.
  10. You chose Al Gore as your representative. A man who failed (miserably) to beat George Bush...that pretty much underlines the level of judgement you people apply.
  11. Taking every idea that represents any progress, and finding a negative in it ("This car will hit 1,000,000 bees in it's lifetime") - does not mean that you win an argument.  If you had your way we'd all be in huts made of our own hair, sitting doing nothing, being perfectly carbon neutralMorons.
  12. Strong membership?  Actually, it's just a load of students with nothing better to do than drink cider in a field and hold placards.  I know, I've been there for the cider. 
  13. Furthermore, these "members" are often ill-informed about their chosen green issue.  And has any group of people ever matched a stereotype so closely: Dullvegetarian virgins with bad skin.  
  14. Plastic/rubber wristbands to support your cause?  Hmm, did you consider the carbon footprint of producing all this toxic waste that no-one needs?  Didn't think so.  But you casually overlook things like this...but if I have a functional plastic picnic fork...all shit breaks loose.
  15. I'm completely against needless waste - but this ridiculous crackdown on packaging is counter productive.  Food "spoils" - it is more beneficial to use packets that increase longevity of a product, surely?  But you would know this, what with all that fast food wrapping you guys leave lying around after your protests...
  16. Nothing against the Prius.  But check out the poisonous contents of that battery.  Soon to be on a rancid waste dump in Western Africa, being leafed through by an orphan child. 
  17. Getting a media whore of a celebrity to support your bullshit angers me even more.  Bono and Chris Martin ultimately only care about how many songs they sell.  Wake up to that douche-bags.
  18. AND FINALLY.  You will be the first to exterminated when the Alien invasion Hollywood has repeatedly promised us finally happens.  "Trouble makers!"...*zapReblog this post [with Zemanta]

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