Wednesday, 7 April 2010

Blog: Wembley Stadium.


I was lucky enough to go to Wembley Stadium in London last month.  I say lucky.  I mean the most unfortunate person in the fucking world.  The reason is that it has been ruined by a bunch of cock smoking morons.  I have been racking my brains.  Hell, I have even been racking my penis to think of a good point about it.  I got one.

  1. The views are good.
That's where to good points end.  Wembley is marketed as being the shiny vagina of arenas to view sport it.  The truth is they have nailed the view, but as an experience it is grim.  Grimmer than being a child, on a canoe, in the deepest depths of Vietnam, with Gary Glitter paddling towards you.

The problems are numerous.  Let me break them down.

  1. Wembley is in the middle of a shit-hole part of London.  It's so bad that even the poorest African immigrants won't live here.  Class A dump.  It's like putting a diamond ring on a turd and leaving it to fester.
  2. The arch is pointless.  You will have about 3 seconds of gazing up, and you will not give it a second glance.  Point.  Less.
  3. The outside of the stadium is featureless.  Concrete.  Bland.  The consultation process for exterior styling was apparently done by the Auschwitz design team.
  4. Just as you get inside the death camp; escalators.  Some of these work.  Some do not.  There are platforms.  These fill up like a fucking 1980's lemmings game.  This causes crushing.  It's a fucking nightmare.
  5. There is not one member of staff that can speak English.  I have nothing against anyone having a job, but when I ask for a drink I don't expect to get a bemused look and a doughnut.  Incompetence of the highest order.
  6. They have killed the atmosphere.  The middle tier is entirely corporate.  These people will be sucking each other off for most of whatever event you are at - you feel like you're on your own, looking at an empty stadium.  
Wembley is the biggest disappointment you are likely to experience.  Don't waste your time, or your money there.

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