Tuesday, 15 February 2011

Berlusconi On Trial.

He's the people's president, open admirer of the female form and the poster boy for elderly sex. But today it was announced Silvio Berlusconi is to stand trial for allegedly paying for sex and trying to get a certain girl (
Karima el-Mahroug) bailed from prison for theft.

The charge is "abuse of power".  Not Overt Awesomeness as one might imagine.

Here are pictures of some (allegedly) Silvio's girls: Karima el-Mahroug, Noemi Letitzia, Barbara Matera, Camilla Ferranti, Mara Carfagna:

I could go on.  Suffice to say Silvio has been a busy boy.

Sunday, 30 January 2011

Blog: Andy Gray & Richard Keys sexist comments.

Holy crap what is the world coming to?

Andy Gray has been sacked for doing probably what every man has ever done at some point.  I imagine everyone with a penis will be called in for a disciplinary at work on Monday.  It's not as though he's asking her to fellate him.  He at least had the decency to build up to that.

And poor old Richard Keys.  How will he afford all those pies now?

Not sure what's worse...all this media bullshit - or the prospect of having to listen to Jamie Redknappe's match analysis.  Sweet jesus, I think I played more games than him.  Bloody sick-note.  Nice work Sky.  However, his wife Louise..

Wednesday, 26 May 2010

Blog: How to really cut the UK budget deficit.

The UK is in debt to the tune of 156 Billion Pounds.  And what with our new government seeing it appropriate to address just 6 (SIX?!) Billion of the debt, I thought that I would come up with a few cost saving ideas of my own.  As, frankly, a "pay freeze" for ministers just doesn't cut it...

  1. Halve MP's salaries.  If they cannot live on £30,000 a year for doing a public service then they are in the wrong game.  They can have the £60,000 when they take me up on my offer of a fight to the death.
  2. Close every pointless council based job.  Yes this means unemployment (boo hoo get a real job) but it also means having to look at one less surly moose-faced woman when you're trying to file a form on your lunchbreak.
  3. Which brings me to my next point:  needless form filling.  Get rid of the people who file them and then the forms - make them electronic, but only after someone tells me why I need to tell the tax office how much I earn, every single day of my life.  And they still get it wrong.
  4. Close the half empty schools that are run down, dire and that nobody wants to send their kids to.  Sell the land to "property developers" (lolz) and the remaining hot teachers to LA porn directors.
  5. Get someone with a big stick to marshal town centres and get the idle fecks sat around doing something.  Can someone tell me why every town centre is so busy on a weekday with Burberry clad Neanderthals?
  6. The welfare state should not fund people with cold hard currency on a long term basis.  The long term unemployed (anything over 7 days) should be issued with personal food and goods stamps, usable by them alone.  Trading stamps for money will be punished with, say, a job!  The unemployed should also be denied access to alcohol and cigarettes.  They can however have free condoms, gym passes and toiletries.
  7. This country needs to stop doing "roadworks".  This is because we don't do roadworks in the UK, we do miles of cones, and two guys sat in a flashing maintenance Toyota Prius, in high visibility jackets doing sweet F A.  I say:  Get the fucking work done in a couple of hours with loads of workers instead of dragging this shit out by using private companies at great expense.  And whilst you're at it, save the money on the guy who puts the speed limits above the motorway, what's the point??  I will drive at the speed limit until there is a queue ahead, that if I am stupid enough to plough into, I do not deserve to live.
  8. Police cars.  My local police station (that is closed at the weekend; yes you read that right) has no fewer than 10 (TEN) top of the range BMW cars on its car park for pursuing criminals.  Hundreds of thousands of pounds worth of kit sat doing nothing half of the time, and when it is its pulling someone over for speeding or going through on an amber light.  Big woop.  Needless expense for no justifiable reason that I am certain is replicated around every police station around this miserable island.
  9. Let's start pillaging again.  If there was ever a time to re-build the empire it's now.  Europe is either half asleep or shagging itself most of the time, Africa is a continent even the French colonised and America cannot defend itself from a man in a cave.  We would be back in the black in no time and with new shoes, conscripts and bitches on tap.
  10. We do not make use of our existing assets.  Therefore we should rent the Queen out.  Think of it like U2, The Police, Rolling Stones - imagine adding HRH Queen Elizabeth to that gig.  It would make Michael Jackson's comeback tour look like a failure...oh wait...